


New Possibilities

by creationofclay



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Coming Out, Jealousy, M/M, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-01-26 01:45:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1670132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creationofclay/pseuds/creationofclay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A fascinating encounter with a British gentleman makes Reid realize things, and the world suddenly seems to have a lot more possibilities if he can just supress the weird feelings he has for Hotch everything will be fine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place appr. a year after the case with Hotchner's brother happened in Season 8. And just so you know the Hugh I mention in this story looks like Hugh Dancy in my imagination.

\---Reid's POV---

It is a bad day, or a normal day; it depends on your perspective. For Reid being tired, not really seeing straight seems to be normal nowadays. It has been over a year since Maeve’s death. He can’t say that he is over it yet not that she and that devastating loss is his biggest problem right now. He still misses her, but the encounter he had in an anonymous bar Morgan tracked him to, almost a month ago, changed his perspective fundamentally.

Dr Spencer Reid is very proud of always considering every possibility of looking at everything from every angle, of not getting surprised very often.

But this totally blindsided him and he doesn’t understand why, his mother had always been a tolerant woman, she wouldn’t have had a problem with him any way. And he was already the outsider; one more thing that wasn’t the ‘norm’ wouldn’t have mattered. But that’s not even the problem because he didn’t hide something from himself because of some fear of a bigoted society no he didn’t even know there was something to hide.

Until that Friday night when Morgan had met up with friends Reid didn’t know, and one of them had invited a British friend that was just visiting. His accent had been intoxicating and the other man was a professor, a young, handsome professor from Oxford. They had had a fascinating discussion about the historic impact of English culture in the United States. Reid had been really distracted and had just kept drinking what Morgan gave him, the British gentleman suitably named Hugh had been laughing a lot during their conversation but it had never felt as if he was laughing at Reid more that he found him funny. It was a completely new situation for him.

And then Morgan had asked if it was okay that he was going now with a wink toward his female friend and Reid had just nodded completely oblivious that in the end it was only he and Hugh. He didn’t mind when they shared a cab, and when they were in front of his flat and Hugh was sitting with his thigh pressed to Reid’s, he didn’t mind when Hugh bent towards him and kissed him. He actually didn’t mind at all and when they struggled to get up to his flat between kisses, Spencer didn’t even take a moment to think about what he was doing.

Even the next morning when Hugh had kissed him goodbye, left his email address and told him that he was sorry that he had to leave the country already he hadn’t contemplated what had happened.

Not until Monday morning, until then Reid didn’t realise that what he had just experienced was what everyone had always told him about something he thought he was just too weird to feel and now that he had had it he can’t stop thinking about it, can’t stop thinking about kissing, about feeling another man again.

He isn’t hung up on Hugh, they email each other, but Reid doesn’t think about him as a person too much it’s more what they did how amazing it felt what keeps Spencer up at night and then there is the realization that now all of a sudden looking at his colleagues has a completely different possibility to it.

It’s nice watching Morgan flex his muscles and even Rossi’s charm has a completely new meaning to it. But that is all fine, Reid doesn’t really want to sleep with them, no his real problem is Hotch, Hotch who has always been there for him, who has saved him more than once, and who when he looks at him now is everything Reid ever wanted.

Reid almost jumps when Morgan asks, in a voice that tells that he already asked it at least once, “Reid, you okay?”

Reid nods. “Sure, why are you asking?”

Morgan frowns. “Because you were staring at Hotchner’s office for the last ten minutes.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize that, you know how the mind works, it is amazing how little we are aware of when we drift of.”

“And what made you drift of?” Morgan asks in a sympathetic voice, “Is it about Maeve?”

Reid chuckles slightly, it’s crazy how much his perception changed since then, Morgan looks at him confused.

“No, actually for once it’s not, I am good, I think … I mean I still miss her … but I think I realized that what we had wasn’t real, and that I never had an idea what it would be like if it were.”

Morgan clasps his shoulder, “Ah I am so sorry for you, you should have got the chance to be with the woman you love.”

Reid chuckles again, it’s a cold chuckle this time, “No, Morgan it really is alright, she didn’t deserve to die, but we… we wouldn’t have worked as a couple.”

Morgan looks at him irritated, “But I thought you were in love with her, you were so sure, you almost already had a relationship in every sense but the physical.”

Reid gives Morgan a wistful look, well Hugh said that it is important to be honest to the people close to you and to tell them the truth about yourself as soon as you are ready.

“I loved her, there is no question about that, but especially you have to know how important the physical part is too and that … well that would have never worked.”

Morgan again confused, “I thought you didn’t think that that was so important, and why are you so sure that…” he interrupts himself and gets a surprised look, “You don’t mean?” when Reid nods with a small smile, Morgan continues, “When, with whom, oh my god it was Hugh wasn’t it? I saw how he looked at you, I just thought … oh my god that is great!”

Morgan is grinning and hugging Reid fiercely.

JJ approaches smiling at them, “Everything alright? Whatever is so great that you had to hug Reid?”

Morgan looks at Reid questioningly and Reid shakes his head slightly, he can’t do this all in one day, he needs a bit of time.

Morgan just smiles at JJ, “I am just happy that Reid is my friend, shouldn’t that be enough?”

From behind them Hotch clears his throat giving them both a suspicious glance, “It should, but it normally isn’t, we have a new case, meet you in the conference room in ten.”

Reid can’t help but blush, as he watches Hotch leave, Morgan thankfully misunderstands his reaction and whispers to him, “Don’t worry! He won’t mind.”

\--

The case was easy enough and despite some slaps on the back from Morgan and some whispered comments like, “What about him? Is he your … you know type?” Morgan was able to control himself, only JJ and Hotch sent them suspicious glances once in a while. But Reid felt good, he had known that Morgan would accept him, but knowing and experiencing it are two different things.

Back in DC they are taking it easy while filling out the left over paperwork. Hotch had to go to a meeting with the new director. Morgan and JJ are in Garcia’s office, and Alex went to Rossi’s office to ask him something about wine a few minutes ago. Reid is the only one present from the team as Hotch’s brother approaches. Sean leans against Reid’s desk, “Is he in?”

Reid shakes his head, “He is in a meeting, it could take some time, our new boss likes to talk.”

Sean smiles, “Aaron must be annoyed a, he likes his meetings short and brisk.”

Reid smiles back, “Yes he does, but he still lets me finish.”

“That’s because you are a genius and what you are saying is always brilliant, that’s not the case with most people.”

“I wouldn’t say that everything I say is brilliant, the possibility is approximately 0.03 per cent, or even less if you take into account that…”

Sean interrupts him with a chuckle, “I get it, but I have to admit brilliant or not it’s amusing.”

“It is?”

Sean nods seriously, “Yes”

Reid’s mobile chimes, he finally got one of those pesky smartphones, after Garcia, Morgan and even Hotch mentioned that it would be beneficial. And now he always knows when he has an email, which got way more satisfying since Hugh has his email address.

He smiles while reading through the email in seconds, it’s a funny recollection of a lecture Hugh held combined with a summary of an article he thought Reid would like and the mention that he thought it was great that Reid told Morgan about them.

Sean asks with a smile, “Did your girlfriend just text you?”

Reid looks up confused, “No, why would you say that?”

Sean still has his easy smile on his lips. He is as attractive as his brother, in a superficial way maybe even more so because he is missing the worry lines on his face, but he is also missing the aura of respect.

“Well you were smiling as if someone special just texted you.”

Reid thinks about it for a moment, then answers, “I wouldn’t say he is someone special, just someone who is becoming my friend.”

Sean’s smile suddenly transforms into something wicked, “He?”

Reid blushes, “Well, I … I actually didn’t tell your brother yet.”

Sean chuckles, “Ah don’t worry I won’t tell him, and he won’t mind anyway, he knows that I am bi, and that is the one thing about me he never had a problem with.”

Reid swallows hard, “You are …”

Sean smiling and leaning a bit closer, “I am, if you want to …”

Unfortunately Hotch’s arrival interrupts him.

Hotch gives his brother a suspicious look and asks briskly, “What are you doing here Sean?”

Sean grins a bit more fake now, “Ah Aaron can’t a brother just visit his brother at his place of work?”

Hotch says sternly, “Sean! Come up to my office, I hope he wasn’t bothering you Reid?”

Reid shakes his head, “No he was actually quite amusing.”

Hotch pops an eyebrow and then turns going up to his office, before he follows Sean gets a business card out of his pocket, “That’s the restaurant I am currently working at, would love for you to come by some time” and he winks at Reid.

Reid can’t help the blush creeping up on him, well Sean is definitely attractive, and Sean is also definitely Hotch’s brother.

\---Hotch’s POV---

“What did you talk with Reid about?”

Sean smiles as he leans back in the chair opposite of Hotch, “What, afraid that I am twisting your wonder boy into the wrong direction, don’t worry I think he is strong enough to escape my pull.”

Hotch roles his eyes, “I know that, it’s just … he had a hard time, I don’t want you to play with him.”

Sean a bit more serious, “I would never do that, I don’t know what he has been through but I don’t need to be a profiler to see that he has scars, and he is way to precious to just play with.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, “Precious?”

Sean gives him a half smile, “Well, he is, you must have seen that, that mind combined with that face, that smile and these hands, I think precious is a pretty good description.”

Hotch in a warning tone, “Sean! Keep away from him!”

Sean raises an eyebrow in a very similar fashion to Hotch; he would almost look serious if he wasn’t slouched into the chair he is sitting in. “Why? You didn’t call dips now did you?”

“Why are you here?”

Sean pulls a business cards out of his pocket and hands it to Hotch a bit embarrassed he says, “That’s my new place of work, I am their head chef, the owner is great he is giving me a really good chance here, it’s not like the most high class place, but it’s also not a dump, it’s actually quite cosy, I thought you might, if you have time, want to come maybe?”

Hotch stands up and rounds his desk, his brother stands too and Hotch hugs him, “I am proud of you, I know the past year has been especially hard, and I know we have our problems, but I am glad that you are part of my and Jack’s life again.”

Sean smiles tentatively at his brother. “Yes me too.”


	2. Chapter 2

\--- Reid’s POV---

_Three weeks later_

It’s the fifth time Reid is sitting at the bar of this particular restaurant, he never thought he would be someone who could enjoy sitting at a bar of a flourishing local while reading or typing on his laptop and waiting for the chef to come and talk to him or serve him some of his delicious food. It is a weird arrangement they have, but the first time Reid visited he realized already that he would have to entertain himself for quite a while if he wanted to talk to Sean later, and it worked for him and the happy smile Sean always gives him when he sees him is reward enough.

Sean leans over Reid from behind trying to see what he is reading, “Of the neuropsychological factors, high IQ has the best-replicated protective effects, blah blah blah, what the hell are you reading, or do you just like to read about stuff that tells you how great it is to have a high IQ?”

Reid smiles back at him. “It’s actually not without its downsides, there are quite a few studies suggesting…”

Sean interrupts him laying his hands on his shoulders, “No I didn’t come out here to discuss your extraordinary IQ, I actually came to tell you that Charlie will finish the kitchen for me, she owes me and that I thought that you would maybe like to come up to my place for a very innocent drink.”

“Up?”

“Well I have the fortune to live just upstairs of this nice restaurant.”

Reid smiles, how fortunate indeed. “And this drink would be absolutely innocent?”

Sean gets his wicked grin and leans closer again, whispering close to Reid’s ear, “Well that depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“How innocent you want it to be…”

Reid feels a blush creeping up on him, he isn’t drunk today, and Sean isn’t a near stranger, they know each other pretty well by now, so it is completely different and Reid should be because of a lot more reasons more than hesitant, but Sean is standing really close his breath is ghosting over Reid’s cheek and his hands are kneading his shoulders lightly, Reid can’t help himself when he says, “What if I don’t want it to be innocent at all?”

Sean turns him on his barstool and Reid can see the fire in his eyes, “That can be arranged.”

Sean is giving Reid’s lips a distinctive look and Reid is suddenly very happy that Sean lives upstairs; he just wants to stand up.

When he hears someone from behind him it’s like a cold shower.

“Sean, I thought the chef has to be in the kitchen not at the bar, flirting with customers”, Hotch says with a smile in his voice, Reid can’t see him he is with his back to him and he doesn’t think that Hotch did recognize him yet.

Sean looks as shocked as Reid for a moment but gets himself together quickly enough.

He steps back from Reid opens his arms in the direction of Hotch and says, “Aaron, you made it! It’s great that you came, but you know we close in half an hour, you could have come a bit earlier, but don’t worry the chicken soup is still delicious.”

Hotch approaches and says, “Sorry, paperwork, I couldn’t get away earlier but I finally wanted to see where you work, you were right it’s a nice place.”

Reid wants to flee but he has no idea where to and Hotch is only moments away from being close enough to recognize him.

“I think I actually prefer this to the pretentious place you worked in before, this really feels… Reid! What the hell are you doing here?”

Reid turns a bit to look Hotch in the eye, he is red as a tomato, it doesn’t help when Sean lays his hand on his shoulder and says calmly, “Aaron! Calm down, he just comes down here sometimes to read and get some of my delicious food.”

Hotch looks furious; Reid can’t remember this gaze ever being directed at him, “Reid?”

Reid swallows heavily, “Sean told me about this place when he came to visit you and it’s really nice and relaxing and the food is really good. Your brother is a great cook.”

Sean smiles at Reid fondly, “Thanks.”

Reid smiles back, “No problem, it’s the truth after all.”

Hotch clears his throat, “So you two are …”, he seems to have a hard time actually saying the word.

Sean looks at Reid questioning, oh this is great they have never talked about it really they just flirt and to be honest Reid didn’t think any further than the physical part of this.

Reid, “No, I mean … we could be, I am … I discovered that I prefer men seven weeks and two days ago, but probably earlier just not on a conscious level …”

Sean chuckles lightly and Hotch interrupts him, “I don’t care, what I care about is that I specifically told you to keep away from him.” He says the last part with a stern face toward his brother.

Reid has to ask, “Why?”

Hotch swallows but doesn’t say anything.

Sean answers instead. Sober he says, “He doesn’t think that I am good enough for you.”

Hotch, “Well you are not.”

Reid is getting angry himself now, “Why not? Because he was a junky? Because he lost track of his life? Because I did all that, I know you all like to forget it like to act as if it never happened, but I am still an addict I still think at least once a day about taking Dilaudid again, about the bliss that it could give me, don’t think I am better than anyone!”

Hotch looks a bit baffled, “Reid, it’s not that we forgot, it just always seemed like you don’t want to be reminded of it.”

Reid still annoyed, “Not being reminded is not the solution being treated as if it never happened isn’t good, it changed me, and it’s good that it did, and no one seems to recognize that.”

Hotch approaches him now, and very close to Reid he says in his dangerous calm voice, “You know that that’s not true, you just try to talk yourself in a frenzy so you don’t have to think how stupid it was of you to flirt with my brother!”

Reid breathes heavily, he doesn’t know how to answer this, because Hotch is right, and he is also standing very close and his eyes are gleaming and Reid doesn’t think that he ever wanted anything more than he wants Hotch right now.

Hotch comes even closer, his eyes fixed on Reid’s when his mobile starts to ring, he cringes, picks up and answers with a crisp, “What’s up?”

He gets his professional look in seconds and says, “Yes sure, I will get them together, we will be there as soon as possible.”

Reid packs his things and stands, “New case?”

Hotch, “Yes, in L.A. third person went missing today.”

They are already starting to leave, when Hotch tells his brother, “I’ll see you later Sean, we will talk about this!”

Reid just says, “Sorry, I’ll text you.” Sean looks at them flabbergast.

Reid asks while leaving the restaurant, “What’s the time frame?”

Hotch, “Three days, three missing women.”

Reid, “No bodies?”

Hotch, “Not yet.”

Reid nods as he naturally gets into Hotch’s car. Hotch just finished texting everyone when he hesitates a moment. He turns to Reid, “We will talk about this.”

Reid shrugs, “We don’t have to, I get it, it was unprofessional of me, I should have at least asked you.”

Hotch starts driving, “You said you’ll text him.”

“I will it would be very impolite to just leave and never talk to him again. But … if you don’t want me to I won’t see him again.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, “You would just do that because I told you to?”

“Well … he is your brother, you have a right to get involved.”

“And if he weren’t my brother would I still have a right?”

Reid confused, “Why would you want to get involved if it weren’t your brother, why would you care?”

“Reid, how couldn’t I care? You have been through so much, I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Reid annoyed again, “I don’t think that is your problem! Thank you very much but I can take care of myself!”

Hotch sighs, “Sure, that’s not what … let’s drop it for now, we have a case to solve, can you call Morgan and Rossi, they didn’t text me back yet.”

Reid nods, “Sure” and he starts calling them not thinking about the anger and sexual frustration Hotch is exposing him to today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try updating at least twice a week, and comments are welcome :)


	3. Chapter 3

\---Hotch’s POV---

_A few hours later in L.A._

JJ, “The latest victim’s husband is here.”

Hotch, “Thanks JJ, Reid and I will go talk to him.”

They enter a small office in which a sleek thirty something man is sitting.

Hotch approaches the man to shake his hand and says, “Mr Harris, I am sorry for what happened. I am Agent Hotchner and this is my colleague Dr Reid.”

Mr Harris lets his gaze linger on Reid for a bit before saying, “Thanks, you can call me John, you seem a bit young to have a PhD.”

Reid answers, “I actually have several, not that that matters now.”

John nods smiling a bit sadly, “No, unfortunately it doesn’t, Carol would have liked you, she always said I should go for more intelligent men.”

He sobs shortly, “Sorry, it’s just, she is my best friend, I don’t know how I could be able to live without her.”

Hotch and Reid sit down, Hotch starts, “I don’t want to be impolite but you mean that she was your friend and not your lover?”

John chuckles lightly then gives Reid an appreciative glance again, “No, that would never work, I know that a lot of people are way more relaxed about coming out nowadays and I am not the absolute secretive type, but I mainly play in action movies, and my agent suggested that I would have more freedom if I were at least married on paper and it’s not even only on paper because I love Carol, she really is my better half I just don’t want to sleep with her.”

Again he lets his gaze linger on Reid, who blushes a bit. Hotch is annoyed by now, this is not a situation to flirt with someone and Reid seems to get uncomfortable.

Hotch can’t help himself he lays a hand on Reid’s knee and stares at John to get the message across. John smiles apologetically when he gets it, Reid looks confused.

Great, Hotch knows that he shouldn’t do stuff like that, Reid seems to be new to this anyway, but after the thing he saw with his brother after he saw how close they were, Hotch can’t help feeling protective or maybe a bit more than protective, but he tries not to think about that too much.

No he tries to concentrate on the case at hand instead. “So you mentioned that you saw her yesterday the last time?”

John nods, “Yes, she helped me pick out an outfit for an audition before going to work, she is doing make-up for some new supernatural teen drama.”

Reid, “And when did you get suspicious of her absence?”

“Not before lunch today, when she obviously hadn’t been home and didn’t pick up when I rang and didn’t even answer my text messages which is so not her.”

Hotch, “And the fact that she didn’t come home the night before didn’t have you wondering?”

John shakes his head. “No, she has a guy she is sometimes seeing, I don’t know his name only that he is a camera assistant at the show she is working for, and anyway it’s not like I am always home at night, like I said it’s not like we are really married.”

Hotch, “Okay, thanks, we will contact you if we have any more questions.”

Hotch stands up and shakes John’s hand, and he and Reid leave the room.

As soon as they are out of John’s earshot, Reid gives Hotch a curious look and asks, “What was that?”

“What do you mean?”

“Hotch”

“Okay, I just… he was making you uncomfortable, so I thought I would distract him from any ideas he might have had.”

“And what gave you the idea that your hand on my knee wouldn’t make me uncomfortable.”

Hotch stares at Reid for a moment. Reid doesn’t wait for an answer he just passes him into the office room they occupy and starts looking through the files.

For a moment Hotch can’t do anything but stare at him, because he is right, what the hell gave him the idea that his action was any less creepy than John’s flirting?

No unfortunately he knows what gave him that idea, he knows how Reid sometimes looks at him, it just never mattered, and now, it still shouldn’t matter. But damn if his brother hadn’t been right about the fact that his subordinate was a very fascinating man.

Hotch has to get a grip on himself, because thinking about the fact that it had felt good having his hand on Reid’s knee and that he had felt like he had the right to do so wasn’t getting him anywhere.

\---Reid’s POV---

Fuck, if Hotch could just stop looking at him he could finally start reading these files, if he doesn’t start soon his colleagues will start wondering. But no one can ask him to concentrate on police paper work while his boss is staring holes into him. His boss who just minutes ago had his hand on his knee. And how good that had felt, how right. But it was wrong, because no matter how highly Reid thinks of Hotch, it’s not right for Hotch to play with him like that. Maybe John was making him uncomfortable, but nothing close to what Hotch was subjecting him to.

Morgan sits down next to him. “Hey found anything yet?”

Reid shakes his head, Hotch finally moved on and is now talking to Rossi. Reid’s head is unfortunately still not in the right place.

“No don’t think so, but I am not through yet.”

“Are you okay, you are normally faster than that.”

“I know, I am getting through it now, and I would be faster if people would stop distracting me.”

Morgan raises his hands as if in defence. “Uh, I didn’t mean to distract you, is something wrong?”

Reid huffs in frustration, it takes a lot of energy to keep avoiding looking where Hotch is talking to Rossi.

“No, I was just anticipating a nice weekend off, and now I am here in L.A. working, which is fine just…”

Morgan suddenly grins, “Ah I get it, you had someone you wanted to spend time with this weekend.”

Reid can’t help but blush and mumbles, “No that’s not…”

Morgan interrupting him, “It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me, but I am happy for you and if he is not the one then I thought we could visit a bar sometime, I would have suggested that already but I thought you may need some more time to come to terms with things.”

Reid raises an eyebrow and asks Morgan, “You would want to go into a bar I would want to go to? You know there wouldn’t be any women for you to flirt with.”

Morgan shrugs, “I don’t care, and after I have subjected you to so many awkward flirting with women you didn’t really want to flirt with I absolutely owe you.”

Reid chuckles, “Oh no, you don’t. I had no clue, so how could you. And I was always thankful that you thought I could get one of them if I just tried.”

Morgan smiles, “Well I am still sure you could have if you would have really wanted, because let’s just say, Hugh for sure is one of the top shelf kind of guys and he was absolutely smitten with you.”

Hotch suddenly appears behind them, how he did that is a mystery to Reid.

Hotch, “Don’t you think we maybe should concentrate on the case at hand and not on Reid’s private life.”

Morgan gives Reid an apologetic look and says, “I don’t know what you are talking about we were only talking about a hypothetical sit…”

Reid interrupts him and says, “He knows, and yes don’t worry we’ll get back to the case. Did Rossi find something?”

Hotch gives Reid a slightly annoyed look and says, “No, but maybe you could summarize what the files say in a few minutes.”

Hotch walks back to where Alex is looking at the photos on the pin board.

Morgan looks at the retreating Hotch questioningly and asks, “What’s going on between you two?”

Reid, “Nothing, I … I might have flirted a bit with his brother and he found out, it’s nothing really.”

Morgan, “Sure.”


	4. Chapter 4

\---Hotch’s POV---

A look at his watch tells Hotch that it’s way past anyone’s bedtime. He looks around where Rossi is looking at a file with the hard stare of someone who tries not to fall asleep. Alex is talking with one of the police officers, she seems awake enough, but she is pretty good at faking it. Morgan doesn’t fool anyone as he studies some pictures while giving the couch in their office space a longing look. JJ went out to take a call from Will. And Reid is just re-entering their room with his latest cup of coffee in hand.

Reid looks up from his cup as he realizes that Hotch watches him and he gives his boss a small reassuring smile. It’s not different from the ones he has given Hotch before. But in a way it feels different. Hotch realizes that it’s more than stupid that an outer label Reid gave himself or even the deeply important inner realization Reid had, should change the way he sees him. Because it shouldn’t matter to Hotch, Hotch shouldn’t suddenly see things in a different light, it has never been an option and it isn’t more of an option now than before.

Hotch remembers when he first realized that if he and Reid had met under completely different circumstances that things could have gone very differently. Even then the realization had been stupid.

It was some time after Reid had started working with the BAU permanently and was finally getting out of Gideon’s shadow. Hotch had been a happily married man then, with a pregnant wife at home.

In general Reid had been busy finding his footing with his colleagues learning to ease up and not just state facts, but sometimes you got a glimmer of the person behind the façade. The hidden seriousness way beyond his age, the compassion and caring he tried to hide so hard.

Reid had sat at his desk long after everyone had already left reading over a file for a case he had been asked to consult. When Hotch had finally finished his paperwork and emerged out of his office he saw the young man leaning over his paperwork with a frown on his face.

He approached him and said, “You should go home, I am sure the case can wait until tomorrow.”

Reid looked up a slightly lost look in his eyes and asked, “Can it?” after a moment of hesitation he added, “I am sorry, it’s not like that, I finished my profile already, it’s just… they will find the boy who did this, he can’t be more than seventeen, probably more like fourteen and then he will be sentenced to life, he will never have a chance, because he snapped at a time when his prefrontal cortex wasn’t even finished developing.”

“I realize that the outcome often isn’t ideal, but we try to do our best in our job and you are trying to prevent other crimes.”

Reid sighed, “I know, I am sorry, you need to get home to your wife, I’ll just send my profile and then I’ll be out of here.”

“I can wait, send it and we can walk out of the office together.”

Reid looked up at him and smiled, “You just want to make sure that I really leave.”

Hotch shrugged leaned on Reid’s table while watching him writing the email. He watched the young man at this moment as he concentrated on his work biting his lip a bit, before sending the email and something ducked at his intestines.

Moments later they walked out of the office and Reid said quietly, “Thanks for waiting.”

Hotch stopped him for a moment and turned him to look the young man in the eyes, “You are not alone in this, you can always come talk to us, you can always come talk to me.”

Reid blushed slightly and nodded before giving him a tentative smile. Hotch drove Reid home that night, they didn’t talk about anything important, but after Hotch dropped Reid off he took his time to drive home, because for a moment he felt something he had long buried, something that had troubled him during high-school, something he was happy to think of as teenage confusion as soon as he met Haley.

Hotch is older now, he is more secure and after he and Haley split he didn’t deny himself to also fancy men, but Reid is definitely not just any man.

Rossi can’t stifle a yawn and Reid is almost bouncing by now. It’s time to get some sleep for all of them.

Hotch stands and says, “Let’s turn in for now, a few hours of sleep will give us a better perspective. Meet you here at 7.”

Almost everyone nods and they slowly leave the room, Reid is like so often the only one left staring at the file in front of him, Morgan just wants to turn to talk to him but Hotch tells him with a nod towards the door that he can go. Morgan raises his eyebrow but leaves.

Hotch sits next to Reid and waits for the other man to register his presence.

Reid startles a bit as he looks up.

“I think I said something about getting some sleep.”

“I just want to get through this again, I am really not that tired, and I will go after I am through.”

“Okay, I am waiting with you.”

Reid blushes slightly, “You don’t have to, the hotel is right around the corner.”

“I know, but if I don’t wait for you, you will find another file to study after you are finished rechecking this one.”

Reid blushes even more and turns to pack his bag, mumbling something under his breath.

“What was that?”, Hotch asks while holding the office door open.

“Nothing, just… reminded me of the first time you waited for me to finish.”

Hotch smiles at Reid while they slowly walk to their hotel.

“You know Mark Regis has a bail hearing in two weeks, I think he has a real chance in getting readmitted into society.”

Reid stops abruptly and looks at Hotch thoroughly, “I know I was thinking of testifying on his behalf… you follow that case?”

“It bothered you, so yes I do.”

Reid doesn’t say anything he just stands there turned fully towards Hotch and takes him in as if he has never seen him before.

“Thanks”, Reid says quickly before he turns and continues their way to the hotel.

When they arrive on the floor where their hotel rooms are situated Hotch touches Reid’s shoulder slightly and says, “I think it’s a good idea for you to testify on his behalf.”

Reid turns. “You do? I mean I would need two or three days off, because I would have to go all the way to Hawaii, and I mean I know it’s not a well condoned thing to speak on the behalf of a teenage killer.”

“You forget I followed his case too, I think he has all the makings of a transformed person, I think he deserves a second chance. And you don’t have to take the time off, it’s work.”

Reid looks at Hotch a bit astounded; he seems to be lost for words. And Hotch knows he shouldn’t say it, but he already thought about it, when he read about the bail hearing, “If you want I can come with you and say something at the bail hearing too.”

Reid steps closer to Hotch suddenly and hugs him, Hotch feels overwhelmed and after a moment of hesitation he hugs back enjoying how well they fit together.

Reid steps back a tiny bit now looking slightly suspicious. “Thank you but… you are not doing this because of the thing with your brother, are you?”

Hotch swallows dryly, “No, of course not, why would you think so? You know we should get to bed now.”

And now it’s Hotch’s turn to blush, he didn’t mean to say it like that, and despite the fact that Reid normally doesn’t get innuendos he gives Hotch a very confused look now.

“Hotch…”

Hotch interrupts Reid, “We have work to do in the morning, let’s talk when we are wrapped up here.”

And without looking at Reid any further he enters his hotel room and closes the door behind him.

\---Reid’s POV---

Reid is standing in the hotel corridor speechless, he knows that he should leave it be, he knows that he should just try to get some sleep. But how the hell is Hotch expecting him to get sleep after this and… no this is not working.

Before he has time to rethink it he knocks on Hotch’s door, as soon as Hotch opens it, he enters the room not giving Hotch a moment to talk him into leaving.

Hotch looks tired but not as if he would just send him away. He walks over to his bed and finishes taking off his tie and opening his collar a bit. “Do you want a glass of water or something?”, Hotch asks as always polite.

Reid looks at him, gives himself permission to admire the small patch of skin that the now slightly opened shirt reveals.

“Reid?”, Hotch gets him out of his little admiration. Weirdly enough Hotch has a slightly amused look on his face.

“Just one thing, then I’ll leave you alone. What do you think we have to talk about?”, Reid looks somewhere over Hotch’s shoulder while asking, he can’t look directly at him now.

Hotch turns and huffs, more to himself he says, “I shouldn’t even…”

He turns again looking at Reid in earnest, “I am sorry. How I behaved today wasn’t right in any way, your private life, if it’s with my brother or … any other man, person whatever, isn’t my business and I am still willing to help you with Mark Regis’s case but I also realize how weird the offer of your boss to travel with you to Hawaii could potentially be.”

Reid needs a minute to process this, but before Hotch has the chance to turn away he asks, “Why?”

“Why what?”, Hotch asks slightly confused.

Reid looks him straight in the eyes and says, “Why could it potentially be weird, why are you interested in my private life?”

“I care about…”

Reid interrupts him, “No not that again, I know that you care about me, but Morgan also cares about me and he doesn’t care with who I am, he doesn’t even know about Mark Regis and it would definitely not be weird for me to go to Hawaii with him.”

Hotch swallows heavily, “You have to realize … I am your boss, I shouldn’t even … it’s just the image of you with my brother… my brother is a good guy I know that, he had a hard life, he deserves so much but I don’t want him to have you.”

Reid’s heart is beating faster than it should by now, “Why?”

“I think you know why.”

Reid huffs and says irritated, “No I don’t! Because how could I? Two month ago I didn’t even know... And now I am backtracking everything I ever felt and realize how often I have felt more then just platonic attraction towards men. And with you… I have admired you from the first time I saw you, but it was different when I got to know you and I don’t want to say something that could damage our relationship but I don’t know how you can hint on these things as if you knew for years that something like this would be possible.”

“Not in this life but in another.”

“What?”

“I knew or I thought I knew that it would never be possible in this life, I was married, happily so at the time, and you were a shy way too young man interested in women, so maybe I always thought that if the situation were different there could have been a way, but I always knew that it is the way it is. And really the main thing, the fact that I am your boss and you’re my subordinate still stands.”

Reid feels like his world just came crashing down, “I… this… there is no way?”

It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say, but in the end it is the most important question.

Hotch looks a bit sad now, he steps closer to Reid laying his right hand on Reid’s neck and says, “There is no way, I am sorry.”

And for a moment Hotch looks hesitant but then just moves to close the distance between them and presses their lips together. It is a short kiss more a lingering meeting of lips really.

After the kiss Hotch steps away and smiles apologetically. “Just once… good night.”

Reid goes without thinking to the door and whispers just before he leaves, “Good night, Aaron.”


	5. Chapter 5

\---Reid’s POV---

_Three month later_

Like so often Reid looks at Hotch’s office door contemplatively. Life didn’t change after their one kiss, they work together like before, Hotch is as attentive and boss-like as before, as far as Reid can detect there are no lingering looks, Hotch is like always the perfect professional. And Reid is pretty good at being as professional. If he lays awake at night sometimes and plays it over and over again in his mind, no one has to know.

The only real problem now is that Reid can’t find someone that even compares to Hotch. He was out with Morgan the week before, and it was nice. Flirting with strange men was a bit weird but not all that hard, but when one of them kissed him he had to leave, because it didn’t feel right, it didn’t make him forget everything around him, it only reminded him of Hotch, of the person he couldn’t have.

A few weeks ago he finally fessed up and confined into Hugh about Hotch, Hugh didn’t seem to be very pleased by Hotch’s behaviour, but he didn’t outright say so.

JJ and Alex are discussing their latest case next to him, he should get engaged in that discussion, it was a particularly unusual case of a female serial killer. But his mind is occupied by Hugh’s latest email. Right now Hugh is at Heathrow Airport on his way to Washington. He hinted on something work-related he has to do here, but also that he is very much looking forward to seeing Reid again. And Reid is looking forward to that too, just … Reid gives Hotch’s office door a hard stare again. This is just stupid.

With a push Reid stands up and walks to Hotch’s office, he ignores the inquiring looks of his teammates. Without knocking he enters.

Hotch is studying a file on his desk, looking tired, he just starts to say something at the intruder when he looks up and recognizes Reid, his face gets a softer look and he gestures towards the seat in front of his desk.

“How can I help you Reid?”

Reid approaches the desk but doesn’t sit. “Hugh is coming to visit me from Oxford. I am not sure I ever mentioned him before.”

Hotch gets a serious expression, but Reid thinks he saw a second of hurt there.

“You mentioned him in a discussion with JJ a few weeks ago, he is the handsome British professor?”

Reid nods.

Hotch looks down at his desk and sighs. “You shouldn’t feel obliged to tell me.”

Reid looks straight at Hotch despite the fact that the other man is avoiding eye contact. “I don’t, I … I like him, but I just wanted to see if you really would prefer me to go there rather than to do something yourself.”

Hotch looks up surprised. “I thought you understood, I can’t… this … it can never be.”

“So you don’t have any problem with me being with Hugh, with me offering Hugh to stay at my place, in my bed.”

Hotch visibly winces. “No, I don’t …”

Reid slightly annoyed, “We are all profilers here, the truth please.”

Hotch huffs a slightly amused smile on his face. “Okay, Dr Reid, if you prefer the truth, I hate the idea of another man sharing your bed, at the intimacy sharing a flat would require of you, the fact that you have been in constant contact with him over all this time, because don’t think I don’t realize when you get an email from him, when you smile your secret smile because he wrote something witty, something nice. No I don’t like it, but it’s not my place to do anything against it, and as far as my research, and yes I looked into him, goes he is a nice guy, and you shouldn’t have to be alone.”

Reid swallows heavily, that was a lot of truth. “And you, what’s with you, are you alone?”

Hotch smiles sadly at Reid, “That shouldn’t concern you. Don’t worry about me, live your life, have a good time with Hugh, don’t let me stop you from anything.”

Reid turns and walks to the door mumbling.

Hotch, “What was that?”

Reid turns, looking Hotch straight in the eyes and says, “I will enjoy my time with Hugh, but don’t think for one moment that you are not preventing me from being with the one person I really want to be with.”

With that he leaves the room.

\--

It’s nice having Hugh around, he is staying for two weeks and if the last week was anything to go by the next will be as nice, he didn’t even mind when Reid had to go out of town for a case last minute, he picked him up at the airport afterwards not complaining once. He also admitted that the reason he was in Washington was that he had gotten a job offer from Georgetown University and he had also mentioned that Reid was one of the bigger reasons why he was thinking of taking it.

Reid isn’t sure if that’s not a bit too much, but he knows that a big part of his concerns has to do with Hotch and he doesn’t want that to prevent his possible happiness with Hugh.

Reid is a bit concerned about the fact that Hugh and Hotch will meet for the first time today, the team decided to go to the pub after a long day and JJ already called Will to come too and Reid just got the text from Hugh telling him that he will be at the pub in a few minutes. Hugh knows everything that went down with Hotch, he is the only one Reid told. Reid really hopes that he has a good poker face, he isn’t sure what Hotch would say to Reid telling someone else about their kiss.

\---Hotch’s POV---

Hotch knows even before he turns and sees a handsome man with dark slightly curly hair approaching that Hugh arrived, because the smile on Reid’s face is unmistakably.

Hotch holds onto his beer a bit harder now, he knew that this was going to happen at one point or another, but he can’t deny how much it hurts to see Hugh kissing Reid in greeting. They are all introducing themselves, besides Morgan who already knows him, JJ and Garcia giving him an obvious and appreciative once over.

Hotch shakes Hugh’s hand and before he can say anything Hugh says with a careful look in his eyes, “And you must be Hotch.”

Hotch nods, giving Reid a questioning look. Reid blushes, so it seems that he told Hugh everything that happened between them. Well Hotch can’t hold it against the other man that he is wary of him. To be honest it makes him respect Hugh a bit more.

Morgan hands Hugh and Reid drinks. “So Hugh what brings you to Washington besides our lovely Reid of course.”

Reid blushes slightly, Hugh smiles at him and answers politely, “Reid would be enough of a reason but I actually got a job offer from Georgetown University and was talking to the dean today about it.”

Garcia looks excited, “Oh wow, are you going to take it?”

Hugh looks at Reid and says, “Well it depends.”

Reid blushes further and Hotch can’t help but hate this conversation, yes he wants Reid to be happy and yes Hugh seems perfectly nice, but thinking that Reid might like Hugh was safe, because Hugh was far away, but if he moved here…

“Are you okay, Hotch?”, JJ asks slightly irritated.

Hotch nods, “Yes, why?”

Hugh gives him a thorough look and answers, “Because you looked like you were far away. I mean you wouldn’t have a problem with me moving here now would you?”

Garcia, “Why should he?”

Morgan, “How about some dancing, JJ, Alex, Garcia, come on.”

JJ and Alex nod and with a confused Garcia follow Morgan to the small dance floor, next to the bar where Rossi is talking with one of his fans. Leaving Reid looking utterly uncomfortable.

Hugh, “Well subtlety isn’t their strong suit is it?”

Hotch, “No unfortunately not, but I don’t think it was necessary.”

Hugh raises an eyebrow, “You don’t think so?”

Hotch, “No, I already made it clear to Reid that I … well that there is nothing to talk about, and I am sure you can make him happy so you are welcome here.”

Hugh roles his eyes, “Sure because tha…”

Reid interrupts him, “You can’t talk about me as if I am not here, Hugh, Hotch is right this has nothing to do with him, I like you and if it’s too much for me if you move to another country for me after we have only known each other for such a short while then that’s on me.”

Hotch, “Well it’s late I think I’ll leave you to it, tell the team that I had a good time.”

Reid gives him an angry look, but Hotch just lays some money on the table and leaves, he can’t deal with this, it’s enough for him to know that he isn’t the right person for Reid; to witness him with someone else is too much.

He is just fumbling with his keys in front of his car when he hears someone coming up behind him. Instinctively his hand reaches for his gun as he carefully turns, looking into Reid’s brown eyes.

Hotch swallows heavily, “What are you doing here, you should be inside toasting to Hugh’s new job.”

Reid shakes his head, “Haven’t you heard, this is too much for me, I don’t want him to take this job just for me and he would only take it because of me, because he loves Oxford and his work there. And no matter how much I like him it’s not fair to tell him to move for me when I am in love with someone else.”

Hotch, “You can’t say something like that.”

“I can and I will, because I realized that I let you tell me that we can’t be together because part of me thought of you as my boss and that is the problem that you probably see with us having a relationship. So if I take our work out of the equation and see you just as the man you are, the man with more compassion than most people know, with deep invisible scars, the man that is a great father to his amazing son, then I say we have a shot and then I won’t let you talk me out of it.”

“Reid, it’s not that…”

Hotch is interrupted by the approaching Reid that quickly seals Hotch’s lips with his own. This time it’s not only a brush of lips, this time Reid leads and doesn’t give in as he presses himself into Hotch’s personal space and traces Hotch’s lips with his tongue. Hotch can’t help but open his mouth and their tongues meet somewhat sloppy at first but they quickly find their rhythm and Hotch can’t stop his hands from finding their places on Reid’s lower back and from pushing Reid even closer to himself.

After a few seconds or minutes, Hotch can’t tell anymore, they part.

Hotch, “Reid, it’s…”

Reid interrupts him, “It’s Spencer when we aren’t working, Aaron.”

And Hotch can’t help but shudder at the way Reid says his name.

“Spencer, it’s not that easy.”

“It is, I mean it’s obvious that almost everyone of the team already knows and Garcia will too by now and we are both consenting adults and the head of the BAU is a good friend of JJ’s. So what exactly should keep us from being happy?” Reid steps back and looks unsure suddenly, “I mean if you also l… like me and want to I mean.”

Hotch smiles at him, “That really isn’t the issue, I like you, I want you, I would love to have this, but being in a relationship and being in the field together complicates things, what if we can’t do what is necessary because of this?”

Reid looks like he does when he thinks the answer should be obvious to everyone. “What do you think will change, it’s not like we, we all, aren’t already connected so much that we are devastated when something happens to someone. And do you really think that not sharing a bed would make it easier for you if something happened to me and vice versa?”

Hotch chuckles, “You really thought of everything haven’t you?”

Reid blushes again, “Almost, I am just not sure how to tell Jack.”

“Don’t worry, he loves you.”

“So…”

Hotch steps closer to Spencer and smiles at him as he says, “So I don’t have an argument left, I mean I am sure something will occur to me soon, but right now…”

Spencer smiles broadly, moving his head closer to Hotch’s, “Right now you are happy with you and me being an us?”

Hotch grinning, “Particularly cheesily said yes.” He leans in and they kiss again slower now and with the promise of a shared future on their lips.


End file.
